Wait you’re telling me dating in my 50’s is exciting? Okay I’m not going to sugar coat the sh*t show dating in our 50’s entails. If you are single in your 50’s, most of us find ourselves here due to a divorce, being caregivers, being a window, out of unhealthy relationship(s), or unhealed trauma. So, my fellow Gen Xers dating out there, maybe it’s simply what we can do differently while on this journey of dating in our 50’s, to yield in more successful dates, and possibly long- term relationships. No, I’m not talking about our forever loved group Journey we all grew up on, but how can we utilize our Gen X strength to make dating over 50’s a better journey with better results?l.
Who am I to even talk on this subject? What makes me the wise wizard of magical conjecture to put pen to paper and whip up some insightful words of wisdom? Well, I’m with you. I’m 55, I was a caregiver for years, and a widow since June 2021. Thus, I lay in bed with you in the dating sh*t show in our 50’s. So much so, I started a Podcast called 50’s AF Podcast. I’m sure you all can figure out what the AF stands for.
As a fresh widow, the last thing I thought about, or desired, was dating. I’d look in the mirror and didn’t even recognise this menopausal body. I didn’t even know who I was after so many years as a wife, caregiver, and now a single widow. What was my identity? What was my purpose in life? What did I have to offer a man in my present state I was in? Then there was the heaviness of weight on me. Where do I go from here?
Thus began my journey of the butterfly coming alive over years. Rediscovering who I was, and what I wanted. The ups and downs of dating, and all the work I put into healing, and living the roller coaster ride of the dating sh*t show in my 50’s. Believe me, it took years for me to even desire to even talk out loud about what I went through, let alone talk publicly on a podcast. But I do. Thus, through my personal journey, and my fellow podcast guests’ journeys, I created a safe space for women dating in their 50’s to watch or listen and not feel alone on this journey. Whether you’re recently divorced, widowed, or simply looking for companionship, here’s some relevant insights to help you navigate the dating and relationship world in this vibrant new chapter of your life.
Rediscovering Yourself: The Foundation for Successful Dating Over 50
Dating in your 50’s can be an exciting adventure. Here are some insights to help you navigate the dating world:
Insight 1: Who are you?
Know what you want. Be clear about what you’re looking for in a partner, whether it’s a casual companion, someone for long-term commitment, or something in between. Be upfront about your expectations. Communicate your desires and deal breakers honestly to avoid wasting time or getting hurt. Here’s where a single in your 50’s has it’s initial journey.
The majority of people dating over 50 are coming out of a divorce or are widows/widowers. I like to flat out suggest that until you’re ready to learn to love yourself, work on the pain from your previous relationship(s) or loss, and ensure you know your purpose in life post divorce or a loved one passing, you can’t really be ready for a healthy relationship. How can you offer love if you don’t love yourself? You can date during this journey, but you need to do the work to discover yourself and heal. Identify red flags to help you possibly not fall into a new toxic relationship if you came from one, and truly identify what your non-negotiable traits in a partner are versus negotiable traits. No one is perfect. No one is going to live up to an extensive list of what you “think” you must have.
I highly encourage therapy or joining groups to help you rediscover yourself and become the best version of yourself! It’s an empowering and exciting time to date, if you set the stage right. Think of your life as a movie and you’re the main character. How exciting this time of dating is to create your new love story!
Insight 2: Don’t lie on dating apps.
Embrace online dating. Consider online dating platforms. With that said, be honest on your profile. Lying about your age, too many filtered pictures, or posting old pictures, will eventually lead to disaster dates. Think of it as the lies that will eventually come out. Whether it’s on the first date or beyond. Starting off a first date or relationship based on lies is no way to have successful outcomes in dating.
Insight 3: Get out of your house.
Put yourself out there. Join social groups or activities that align with your interests. This is a great way to meet new people and make connections. I can’t encourage people enough to lean into their interests to meet like minded single people. If you play pickleball, join a coed singles pickleball group. Do you enjoy wine? Find wine tasting for single people in your age range. There are so many opportunities with social media at our fingertips to tap into.
Checkout groups to join or events advertised within a group on Facebook. Then there’s this great app called Meetup. I can’t emphasize enough how useful this app is in finding groups to join, events to attend in your area, and there is an abundance of opportunities that the app allows you to customize what groups you’d like to join to give you opportunities to meet other age-appropriate like-minded single people.
Insight 4: Be confident in who you are.
Confidence is definitely tricky. Women dating in their 50’s have to deal with realities such as menopause, learning how to be vulnerable, trusting someone, working through past trauma, the stress that social media has on body positivity, and so much more.
With that said, here is why confidence matters when dating over 50:
- Attractiveness: Confidence is incredibly appealing at any age. It shows you’re comfortable in your own skin. It is the number 1 characteristic men are most attracted to!
- Clarity: You know what you want and aren’t afraid to express it. This saves time and avoids settling.
- Resilience: dating in your 50’s as a woman can be challenging, but confidence helps you bounce back from setbacks. Be true to yourself, know you’re not alone trying to get from one first date disaster to the other. 50 first dates later could lead to the best 1st, 2nd, and on and on so successions of dates.
- Authenticity: People are drawn to genuine confidence, not fake bravado. No different than what you would want out of a man.
- Respect: Confidence commands respect, ensuring you’re treated well.
Be confident and authentic. Don’t shy away from who you are. Let your personality shine through and connect with people on a genuine level.
Insight 5: Have fun!
Dating should be enjoyable. Relax, be yourself, and focus on creating positive connections. In the beginning, my advice is think of dating like you’re just sitting down to talk to someone. Don’t put soo much pressure on yourself or the moment. Get comfortable and be present on your date. Don’t keep your mental “perfect man checklist” as the focus.
Insight 6: Define what you want out of dating.
Know what you want: Be clear about what you’re looking for in a partner. Are you seeking companionship, romance, or something casual? This will help you choose dating platforms and potential partners who are on the same page. Not everyone wants that ring on their finger and a marriage certificate at the end of the dating yellow brick road.
Insight 7: Embrace online dating.
We all hate it, but it’s where most people meet now. Hear me my fellow single generation Xers, gone are the days of dating in your 20’s and 30’s where you would be at a party and lock eyes with a guy across the room. Being set up by a friend? Most of our generation X friends are either in the same dating boat, or married and don’t know any single men. That leaves embracing online dating.
While online dating might seem intimidating, it’s a popular way to meet people over 50. There are many dating sites and apps specifically geared towards mature audiences. But I revert to all the above dating tips to find more success with online dating apps. Including, don’t limit your region settings in your apps. If you live in Dallas for example, open up to Texas. Like me, in Boca Raton, Florida, heck I suggest opening your region to literally the United States. I did. Seriously consider my advice. Most generation X is approaching retirement or empty nesters.
What if you are open to the opportunity that your special person is located in a different City or State? For some, moving is no issue. So why limit your dating pool to just your city or State?
Insight 8: Honest communication.
Be upfront and honest: Communicate your expectations clearly and honestly from the beginning. This will save you time and avoid misunderstandings. Don’t sell yourself short by not communicating your needs, desires, boundaries, goals, and most importantly, what is the definition of a goal-oriented relationship must-haves in your life. Knowing your goals will guide you towards compatible partners and dating platforms that align with your desires.
Insight 9: Step Outside Your Comfort Zone.
Stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to exciting connections. Try expanding your horizons, by exploring by attending events outside your usual scene: Check out clubs, workshops, or meetups related to hobbies you’re curious about. I revert back to points on tips 3 and 7 above. Also, keep in mind, your perfect man is not going to just fall from the sky onto your lap. It’s the old adage, what you put into something, is going to be what you get out of it. So very true.
Be open to different types of people: Consider dating someone with different backgrounds, interests, or even physical appearance. We all may believe we may know with certainty the type of person you envision as your future partner. But what if you are more open? It’s like ice cream, try out different flavors. We’ve all used the taster spoons at an ice cream store and been pleasantly surprised and pleased with a new flavor. Try it!
Insight 10: Invest in your mental and physical self.
The number 1 investment in yourself is not getting you nails or hair done, facials, nor wearing the best clothes. The most precious, personal, and needed investment is in your mental and physical well being while dating over 50. I know, I know, Gen X is defined as being tough, survivors, Gen X’s experiences have shaped us into a generation known for our resilience, adaptability, and problem-solving skills. But perhaps you have to put all that aside.
Don’t put off nor deny professional help to work through the emotional baggage that even men bring to the dating table. If you’re struggling, consider therapy or counseling. No matter who you are, pretty much if you are dating in your 50s, you’re there due to a divorce, end of a partnership, or loss. If you stuff down your hurt, don’t navigate mourning, or perhaps heal from a traumatic relationship, how are you emotionally available to seek out a successful relationship? You’re not. Perhaps being honest with yourself and not always pointing the finger at the other person in failed dating results, point the finger at yourself.
That is not an embarrassing action. It takes great strength to admit perhaps I’m not having success in dating because I’m the reason. It takes courage to seek help and perhaps work through unresolved issues that are getting in the way of positive dating results. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Just be honest, open, and as the saying goes- heal thy self.
The physical health I’m addressing is about your personal wellbeing. Physical health is not solely focusing on your appearance. It really comes down to treating yourself as the temple you should. Focus on your energy and vitality, mental clarity, reducing health risks, reducing stress, and preventative care. Value your health through your actions, not just your words. Remember, confidence and a positive attitude are attractive at any age. Focus on the many benefits of a healthy lifestyle, and your dating life is likely to be enhanced by your commitment to your well-being! Remember, it’s important to prioritize your own well-being, both mentally and physically, throughout your dating journey.
Overall, my single fellow female Gen Xers, we are all in agreement that it’s a dating sh*t show out there. Do not let dating consume your life. Make time for friends, family, and hobbies. Finding the right person takes time. Find a balance. Be positive and focus on the good things in your life, and don’t dwell on the past. Don’t give up!
Join the Conversation and Connect with Our Community
Dating over 50 can be a thrilling and fulfilling experience, and we’re here to support you every step of the way. Check out our podcast, 50’s AF, for more insights, tips, and real-life stories about dating in your 50s. Join our community to connect with like-minded individuals, share your experiences, and get advice from those who understand your journey.
XOXO
You’re single in your 50’s fellow Gen Xer,
